That Bloke...

... in the corner of the tube looked well dressed and very smart.

So when the train pulled into the tunnel I got on the train and stood right next to him. I was in a very good mood, with the Numa Numa song playing on a loop, and the realisation that it was not only Friday, but that I also had been paid, made for a wonderful feeling. No longer the student having to scrimp to by a bottle of cheap wine, I now cockily saunter into Marks and Spencers to by Fresh Fruit Smoothies.

Anyway, I'm digressing.

Stood next to said bloke, and train pulled out of the station. I was mentally mouthing the words to the song and doing my Disco Diva dance. At this point I must have lapsed into the state where I close my eyes and inadvertently sing out loud, because I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder.

I paused my player, took out my headphones and looked up in embarassment, my mouth ready to form an apology. Instead I saw The Bloke looking at me earnestly trying to hand me something that looked like a leaflet. As I looked down at the leaflet he said to me in an extremely serious voice, 'Do you believe in the Kindom of Jehovah?'

I was astounded. Have they now resorted to Charity Style assaults on the streets as well as the tubes? Where you're walking along quite happily and then suddenly you get sidestepped by some overeager student (okay I know I used to be one) who wants to Save the Marmosets in Middle Mongolia, and you try and look away like you haven't seen them of you wave them away dismissively.

I was mind-boggled, and still he gazed at me expectantly.

'Erm, no' was my reply.

'Why not?', his retort.

'Erm, because I'm depraved.'

'Why?', he pressed on.

I lowered my voice to a theatrical whisper, 'Because I like cock,'

Train was pulling into my station.

'Actually,' I said, voice raised slightly, 'I LOVE cock'

Train stopped, I jumped out, and resumed Numa Numa playing and did a little jig on the way into the office, via Marks and Spencers.

Never, never interrupt me when I'm in the middle of my EuroTrash pop music.

And never ever stand next to a man which everyone else is trying to avoid on the train.

Especially during rush hour.