The Neanderthal...

... is driving me nuts.

So far I think we (as in you and I) can establish the following about the Neanderthal:

• He is unreasonable
• He has REALLY bad taste in music
• His hallways are papered with ASBO's
• He wakes at 7a.m. and hocks up his lungs and performs his ablutions with great gusto for the whole neighbourhood to hear
• He has extremely loud sex

One thing I haven't counted on though is that Neanderthal's could be gay as well. Not happy gay, but homosexual gay...

This came to light when I was walking up the stairs the other day and I saw Grawp coming out of his cave with another Cave Man. Nothing out of the ordinary so I carried on upstairs. Later when I popped out to pick up some milk, Grawp and said Cave Man were coming up the stairs together, both looking a bit fidgety. This naturally I put down to the excessive consumption of marijuana I suspect that they have consumed, on the basis that with my window open at times I have my room fumigated with the scent of weed, which is very bad when you're trying to do some work.

Anyway, I get back from shops and make a coffee and settle down to some work when I hear grunting. From two male voices, then the rest follows: shouting 'Fuck yeah, oh that feels good' and then sounds like furniture being shunted around to some atheletic routine. This is followed by 'I'm cooooooooooooooooooooooooming!' then another one.

Come to think of it I've never seen a woman there before.

But the thought of not one, but two Neanderthals copulating makes me feel slightly queasy, although I can now rest in the knowledge that the inbred gene pool will remain that way and not be passed on to another generation.