Polyamoury?
I have yet to get myself fully back into gear and as a result over the next few days this is will form another list of random thoughts as they manifest themselves and I try to get them down, and hopefully be coherent in the process:
Polyamoury/polyamouressness(?)
I mostly go through blogs when on the internet, reading about other peoples passions and habits, and what they get up to and their respective opinions on a wide range of matters. In a way its my equivalent of living life vicariously through others while I'm at my desk job. More often than not, I'll be focussed on a blog, brow furrowed and nodding along in agreement to a well written piece, or skipping through some of the naughtier blogs with a slight embarassment that I may be caught reading inappropriate material, but somehow flushed with a perverse excitement that somehow the work system did not filter that one so it can't be that bad. Let me tell you something though, there is a lot of filth and depravity in some very benign looking pages.
So, today I'm doing the same thing and I happen across a blog written by a polyamourous man. I first came across the concept of polyamoury through a friend of a friend, at a party. I thought the person that caught my eye was gay, and thought that a bit of flirty banter would do my ego good, besides, OH was in the room and he'd reap the benefits of my ardour later when we got back later on. I discreetly enquired of my new friend of the evening, Lady Wolf, and she peered at me over her glasses and winked at me saying 'oh, he's got a girlfriend, but he's polyamourous'.
Polyamourous? What's that then? I pushed my new friend. I think by this time too many gin and tonics and beers had worked its way into our systems so while she was trying to describe an aspect of it, along with the rules and roles, I was too caught up trying to understand the emotional control and discipline one would have to employ in engaging in this game. It transpired that later on I managed to get a clearer idea along with a proper explanation of the whole rigmarole, but let me tell you something else, its not for everyone.
Thinking about this in greater detail, it reminds me of a conversation I've had with OH, and with previous exes. Namely that of the difference of open relationship and cheating. We all have our views on this topic, and as a gay man there are even more opinions given the testosterone and torrid feelings we experience when someone other than your significant other arouses desire within you. How would a gay couple view polyamoury? Its certainly very 'having your cake (or should that be cock?) and eating (sucking?) it', but I think that despte all the glitz and glamour that some people perceive in the (gag) 'Gay World' and behind the fabulous-dinner-party façade, the cultured night-at-the-opera front, the deep-and-thoughtful prose on the shelves, we are inherently simple creatures, simply wanting love and devotion. More bluntly, love and devotion from one person and one person only. Perhaps I'm being wildly naïve here, but that is the drift I get from many of my friends, the happy ending, the wanting to find Mr. Right, Knight in Shining Armani etc. I don't think polyamoury would, or could work being gay.
In my view it would be called cheating. And as much as we like the thrill of the unknown, of someone different, emotionally most gay men I know are fragile wrecks, having to deal with coming out to themselves and then to the world, and cannot entertain the notion of their Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, being callous enough to segment their emotions into a seperate compartment for someone else. That is why there are rules in open relationships, but while trust is a large element in every relationship, having an open relationship calls for an even larger amount of trust, namely that with the physical act of sex it ends there, and no emotions are invested in the person, hence, the one-night-stand would be okay if its not talked about, but seeing the same person on an ongoing basis for sexual gratification is not. OH and I are not in any way in an open relationship, and despite the initial indifference I threw at him in the beginning of the relationship, we have subsequently talked about it and over a beer in Bangkok (yes, the irony isn't lost) we have admitted that although we trust each other implicitly, the guilt would just be too much to bear.
Okay, U-turn, I think that the point that I was trying to make to myself is mainly that perhaps my emotionally retarted, fuckwit of an ex was unknowingly polyamourous. Certainly viewing his behaviour with 20/20 hindsight would attribute a lot of his actions, and even more so now hearing through others and viewed from afar.
But I think I'll stick with the fact that he's just a c*nt.
Polyamoury/polyamouressness(?)
I mostly go through blogs when on the internet, reading about other peoples passions and habits, and what they get up to and their respective opinions on a wide range of matters. In a way its my equivalent of living life vicariously through others while I'm at my desk job. More often than not, I'll be focussed on a blog, brow furrowed and nodding along in agreement to a well written piece, or skipping through some of the naughtier blogs with a slight embarassment that I may be caught reading inappropriate material, but somehow flushed with a perverse excitement that somehow the work system did not filter that one so it can't be that bad. Let me tell you something though, there is a lot of filth and depravity in some very benign looking pages.
So, today I'm doing the same thing and I happen across a blog written by a polyamourous man. I first came across the concept of polyamoury through a friend of a friend, at a party. I thought the person that caught my eye was gay, and thought that a bit of flirty banter would do my ego good, besides, OH was in the room and he'd reap the benefits of my ardour later when we got back later on. I discreetly enquired of my new friend of the evening, Lady Wolf, and she peered at me over her glasses and winked at me saying 'oh, he's got a girlfriend, but he's polyamourous'.
Polyamourous? What's that then? I pushed my new friend. I think by this time too many gin and tonics and beers had worked its way into our systems so while she was trying to describe an aspect of it, along with the rules and roles, I was too caught up trying to understand the emotional control and discipline one would have to employ in engaging in this game. It transpired that later on I managed to get a clearer idea along with a proper explanation of the whole rigmarole, but let me tell you something else, its not for everyone.
Thinking about this in greater detail, it reminds me of a conversation I've had with OH, and with previous exes. Namely that of the difference of open relationship and cheating. We all have our views on this topic, and as a gay man there are even more opinions given the testosterone and torrid feelings we experience when someone other than your significant other arouses desire within you. How would a gay couple view polyamoury? Its certainly very 'having your cake (or should that be cock?) and eating (sucking?) it', but I think that despte all the glitz and glamour that some people perceive in the (gag) 'Gay World' and behind the fabulous-dinner-party façade, the cultured night-at-the-opera front, the deep-and-thoughtful prose on the shelves, we are inherently simple creatures, simply wanting love and devotion. More bluntly, love and devotion from one person and one person only. Perhaps I'm being wildly naïve here, but that is the drift I get from many of my friends, the happy ending, the wanting to find Mr. Right, Knight in Shining Armani etc. I don't think polyamoury would, or could work being gay.
In my view it would be called cheating. And as much as we like the thrill of the unknown, of someone different, emotionally most gay men I know are fragile wrecks, having to deal with coming out to themselves and then to the world, and cannot entertain the notion of their Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, being callous enough to segment their emotions into a seperate compartment for someone else. That is why there are rules in open relationships, but while trust is a large element in every relationship, having an open relationship calls for an even larger amount of trust, namely that with the physical act of sex it ends there, and no emotions are invested in the person, hence, the one-night-stand would be okay if its not talked about, but seeing the same person on an ongoing basis for sexual gratification is not. OH and I are not in any way in an open relationship, and despite the initial indifference I threw at him in the beginning of the relationship, we have subsequently talked about it and over a beer in Bangkok (yes, the irony isn't lost) we have admitted that although we trust each other implicitly, the guilt would just be too much to bear.
Okay, U-turn, I think that the point that I was trying to make to myself is mainly that perhaps my emotionally retarted, fuckwit of an ex was unknowingly polyamourous. Certainly viewing his behaviour with 20/20 hindsight would attribute a lot of his actions, and even more so now hearing through others and viewed from afar.
But I think I'll stick with the fact that he's just a c*nt.
posted by Marmoset at
3:37 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home