The Britishness of it all...

... makes me chuckle.

Britain was hit by an earthquake last night. The times reported is as 'Britain shaken, but not too stirred'.

What makes me laugh is how its been reported, as if people have been hit by a Harry Potteresque Stunning Spell and are walking around in a bemused state. Consider the reportage:

'A spokeswoman for South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service said that "some sort of fancy stonework" had become dislodged.'

And, 'In Dudley 12 people walked into the police station in their pyjamas.'

'In Wiltshire, police said the pictures on the walls swung to and fro, as around 15 people called 999.'

I *heart* the reaction.

(Belated) Monday Choons...

... because I was busy yesterday and it was Other Half's birthday.

This song is one of my favourites. I remember when the video first came out, it caused a bit of an uproar where I was living at the time. The fact that hirstute men are dressed 'provocatively in garments that are meant for the female form' (yes, they had a very archaic way of writing that was almost specifically ex-colony in its naïvety) was a source of great hilarity for the 13 year old Marmoset and his colony of chums. It wasn't until I'd moved back to the UK and suffered my first great heartbreak 7 years later that I rediscovered this song, and the lyrics still make me cry.

Annie Lennox - No More I Love Yous
par djoik

Exciting Things...

... in my life:

- I have discovered muesli without raisins.

- I have discovered Nescafe Italian Roast in refill packs.

- I have bought a fabulous new set of pots from WMF that were on sale. They are the best cooking pots I have owned to date.

- I have found a good fish counter so I will eat more fish from now on.

- I bought some edible glitter to make fairy cakes.

- My boss has asked me to help myself to the Aqua de Parma sets we have in the office. I will be smelling like a boudoir soon.

- Stornisse sent me a USB key with lots of Eurotrashy music on it, and I am totally in love with this song called Trendy Discotheque by PayTV.



The lyrics are wonderfully over the top, and I now make my way across the park to them, pouting and lip synching along. It is somewhat, empowering, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of over-the-top and empowering, I finally found closure with one of my ex flatmates from when I lived in the Ivory Tower. She was an absolute nightmare that made me really miserable and made me feel unwelcome in my own flat. When I announced I was moving out, she took it upon herself to pack up all my things into unlabled boxes, a whole month before I was due to leave. That really pissed me off.

Anyway, the Gay German flatmate I used to have is still living in the Ivory Tower, and still has the Bitch from Hell there as well. Over some petty incident involving a cloths horse which I have left behind for him, she was making him miserable as well. To that he emailed me and asked me to clarify who it belonged to, as she had decided that it was the property of the flat, and hence left all her undesirables hanging on it and generally being selfish. So, I wrote an email telling her that it actually belonged to me, and that I had given it to Gay German.

She send me a really cutting message back, asking me what the point was. So, given that (a) I do not live in London anymore, (b) haven't had a chance to vent my frustration at her, and (c) don't give a f*ck about what she thinks, sent her an email with colourful language that has made me feel lots better.

Catharsis is a wonderful thing.

Monday Choons...

... From my days of 'angst'.

Dancing Queens...

Tonight OH and I are having our flatwarming. We still don't have any furniture, bar the 2 cheap armchairs from Ikea that are stand-ins while the rest of the stuff arrives. The lounge and dining area resembles the set for the French and Saunders dialogues: a big white room with 2 armchairs, although ours are skeltal versions of a comfy armchair.

So, a few weeks ago I asked my friend Stornisse about Eurotrash music, of which he is a big fan and incidentally is about to be the official Eurovision blogger. Following that conversation, he made me a playlist and sent a USB key full of some rather obscure music with titles such as Cameltoe, Trendy Discotheque (my favourite), and the Best Titled 'Aldi Markt'.

Oh, and this little gem:



But this is even better:



(Okay, neither are on the track list but you have an idea)

So tonight will be the culmination of a few days worth of preparation. I often like to prepare my own food unless I'm catering for more than 40 which then gets a little industrious, or I would have to be a full time House-Person to do so. Anyway, this is what we're having:

- Spring rolls with sweet chilli sauce
- Smoked salmon and caviar canapés
- Roasted peppers and smoked mozzarella pizza
- Thai chicken skewers
- Nachos with hummus and salsa
- Pecan dark chocolate brownies with white chocolate frosting

Some friends are making Haitian Rum Punch, and initially I was asked to procure 8 bottles of rum, to make 30 peoples worth of punch. I thought that it might be slightly excessive, as there would also be champagne for the early birds and the usual wine or beer as well as spirits and mixers. So now its been whittled down to 4 bottles. I still think I'll need to bleach out the bathtub so the Haitian Girls can make their tub of punch if the strength is to be easiliy consumable. Actually, I think the rum would do just as good a job of cleaning the bathtub...

Pictures of the food will follow (when the camera attachments arrive).

Have a good weekend all, and see you next week...

Monday Choons...

... to start off the week with a blast from the past. Am I the only one who actually liked this song? The dancing is really cheesey though.

And Now For My Next Post...

... I'm going to have a bit of a rant.

This is technically my 100th post, so pop the cork and leave the bottle on ice while I take to the soapbox and have a bit of a moan about the sheer ignoramity of a very large percentage of human beings out there in the world. It may not be the most coherent piece of writing but I need to get it off my chest before I scream, and my boss wonders what the hell I'm doing.

The Times today has an article about how zebrafish have been engineered to allow scientists to watch how cancers develop and behave inside the body in real time. It goes on to state that these fish were chosen for their strong genetic similarities to human beings. It is but a short article, telling us of the advances that have led to this being possible. Now let me first take my stance.

Those of you who know me will know that I previously read neurosciences as my subject at university. While in the course of research and experimentation, I have come across many species being used to understand lots of functions, thereby improving and hopefully even finding a cure for otherwise fatal and horrid diseases that take place in the human body. One of these species used is the zebrafish. Now, I am no ichthyologist, but from what I have learnt is that zebrafish live for 5 years, are the size of a paperclip, and their brains are the size of a pin head. Another thing that I have learnt is that pain pathways can be extremely complex. While it is apparent that higher, more complex fish such as sharks do feel pain, it has not been commented on lower fish species having more than sensory reflexes. I am not saying that zebrafish do not have nociceptive sensations, I am however pissed off by comments as such:

- I am shocked and awed that a animal rights group has not put an end to this cancer research. How many small innocent fish must suffer in order to save thousands of human lives. In my account, this is one to many.

This idiot probably orders deep fried whitebait without any sense of irony.

- LOL, they had to ENGINEER a fish that is transparent? Haven't these "geniuses" ever heard of the common Glass Fish? They can be bought in ANY Pet Store that sells tropical fish and costs no more then about $3-4.00. There is also a fish called the Glass Catfish, also easily available and costing the same. BTW, at wholesale these fish can be bought for about $.40, that's FORTY CENTS a piece. I can only wonder at the time and money these damn fools wasted to "design" a fish when they could have jumped in their car and had what they needed in 10 minutes.

This idiot has not read the article, and while he may be genetically related to a closer relative of amoebae, the rest of the human population is not.

- They must have found some other way to abuse common sense and waste resources on pointless research, as all scientists do.

Right, is it just me or would you think that finding a cure for cancer through genetic research is actually quite useful? Having worked in a lab I can guarantee that it is a time consuming and tedious process to get a set of data, or even the isolation of a few groups of cells that can contribute to the further understanding and development of drugs that can cure this horrid disease. It also costs a fair amout of money to come up with the equiptment as well as using said equipment as its being directed at such a size that is too small for the eye to see. While lots of money is being pumped into R&D, even more money is going towards the POINTLESS War On Terror. Comments as such should be directed to those university departments which come up with really pointles studies such as: Kids from low income families are more likely to eat fast food; Straight men are more likely to be attracted to Page 3 models rather than Anne Widdecombe; or, Gay men take better care of themselves than straight men.

And this, which I agree with:

- Yes, I want to see more stories like this and less of Britney Spears.

Goes to show the obsession with the mainstream media with failed celebrity that has become front page news, but quickly undone by this comment:

- Wait... is there something going on with Britney Spears?

Which indicates that this person doesn't ever keep up with current affairs.

I am pissed off but at the same time too worked up to be coherent in wanting to slap the world and say, 'WAKE UP AND BE MORE AWARE AND INFORMED!!'

Sorry for the rant. Wait, I'm not sorry for the rant; I refuse to do the English thing of apologising over venting my frustration at idiots.

And I Thought Moving In...

... was tough

Read this to see what you have to do when you move out.

I think I'd rather die.

The Importance of Being Educated

Today in The Times, it is reported that Woolworths were forced to withdraw a bed designed for 6 year old girls that was on sale because it was named Lolita. Mothers who saw the product online were understandably horrified at the idea of their little princesses sleeping in a bed named after Nabokov's sexually charged 12 year old subject of the same name.

What makes me laugh is this paragraph:

Whereas many mothers were familiar with Vladimir Nabokov and his famous novel, it seems that the Woolworths staff were not. At first they were baffled by the fuss. A spokesman for the company told The Times: “What seems to have happened is the staff who run the website had never heard of Lolita, and to be honest no one else here had either. We had to look it up on Wikipedia. But we certainly know who she is now.”

Further in the article it states:

In 2006 Tesco was removed its pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of destroying children’s innocence.

It also brings to mind the episode that toy shops were requested to remove an electric Harry Potter broomstick that vibrated to 'stimulate flight on a broomstick', when one mother complained vehemently that the toy she had purchased for her 4 year old son was giving her 15 year old daughter more enjoyment than her brother.

It makes me laugh to think of the toy designers that came up with these ideas, as well as the branding committee that sit through and rubber stamp them for approval.

One day when I retire I'm going to invent something totally pointless, and outrageously named, targeted for the chav, uneducated market.

That's one way to rake it in.