... I mean Amsterdam.
That was what Miss T wrote on her postcard one evening back at the hotel, when we were totally bonkers and laughing about nothing, which in my opinion is a really good way to be.
That is right, dear readers, I have been away for a few days from the smoke and smog of sweltering London and flew off to sunny Amsterday. It was really hot in Amsterdamn with the temperature soaring to 34 degrees, and because I was totally unprepared for it I got burnt on the bridge of my nose, and my arms and my calves. So now, I'm a sunburnt Monkey.
Amsterdumb was really good fun, but let us start from the beginning. I went with Miss T, who featured back in the
Christmas blog, and who I spent the whole festive period along with China Doll, and they're both Aussie. We took the early morning flight, which meant that we had to be at the airport by 5.30. So, as it goes, we went to bed at 2 and woke at 3am. After faffing around being half awake, we hopped on the bus and went all the way to Victoria. It was bloody freezing and when we got there we had to leg it to the train that was about to depart, in flip-flops.
The rest of the journey was rather uneventful, apart from sniggering at the Lunn Poly Package Holiday crowd that stood out like a sore thumb as they were mainly dressed in tracksuits and matching terry-towel outfits. We had a coffee, boarded the plane, and then promptly fell asleep. An hour later we were in Amsterdoo, and when we got to the station from the airport that is where the fun started...
After figuring which tram to take to the hotel, we boarded the number 2 along with a huge bunch of people. I was ahead of Miss T, to make enquiries and to purchase a ticket. Suddenly, Miss T who was behind me, let out a gasp as the doors slid shut and I started to panic, pressing the green Open Button. But as much as we tried, the tram wouldn't obey and it moved away in slow motion leaving Miss T bewildered on the platform. After a frantic exchange with the conductor, it was suggested that I get out at the next stop and ask my friend to meet me there. So after an exchange of phonecalls, it was agreed that Miss T would meet me at the next stop.
And so I waited... 2 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins... After about 25 minutes Miss T finally arrived on another number 2 with her newly purchased
Strippenkart. I hopped on and we made our way to the hotel. Once we got to the hotel, Moment #2 happened. Instead of the amount that was stated on the website, the hotel had added another €150 to cover 'incidentals' that was to be refunded at the end of our stay. If that wasn't enough, we then had to pay a deposit for everything that we requested, including €25 for an adaptor. Yes, a sodding adaptor.
After all that hassle, our room wasn't even ready for us, and so we left the luggage in the luggage store and ventured out into the centre. First stop, lunch. Mine was bacon and eggs, with bread (which I left on the side) and Miss T had a meatball sandwich. When our food arrived, Mine was eggs fried over the bacon so it was all stuck together, like some sort of bacon omelette without beating the eggs. Miss T's arrived exactly as its description: a Meatball. It was artfully sliced in half and each half balanced on a slice of bread, like some tumourous growth.
Next stop: what Amsterdoom is famous for: Coffeeshops. These are places where you can buy a varieties of herbals and smoke them on the premises. After purchasing a bag of Shiva, we proceeded upstairs via some rather precarious steps and found a bench. After a couple of drags, Miss T was starting to notice that people were staring at her constantly. I totally spaced out and after a while we started one of those really profound conversations that take place when you're stoned. This conversation was about the
Strippenkart.
The only way I can describe this method of transport ticketing is best left to the experts. As the Amsterdam Tourist Info said:
To Use the Strip Card:
1. Check the map located at each stop or onboard to determine how many zones you require.
2. Validate the strippenkaart by stamping it in the yellow machines onboard or get a stamp from the driver. Validate according to the number of zones you will pass, plus one. For example, if you are traveling within one zone, validate two strips; If traveling across two zones, validate three units. Note: Multiple passengers can travel on a single strippenkaard as long as the proper number of strips is validated for each rider.
Exactly. When you're bonkers, trying to work out why two strips instead of one is really quite profound. It is totally mind-absorbing and boggling trying to work out why they just don't stamp a zone per trip.
Anyway, after being bonkers, we decided to walk back to the hotel to check in and freshen up. On the way to the hotel we were totally baffled by the traffic system. One lane for bicycles, one for trams, one for cars and a tiny strip in the middle for pedestrians, and then another lane for bicycles coming the other way. With the trams going 'DONG' and the bicycles going 'ding-a-ling' at every turn, I was getting quite paranoid that I'd become roadkill. Images of bicycles morphing into killer tandems started to loom in my mind, like the scene in Dumbo where all the Pink Elephants on Parade morph into a nightmarish lump...
So the Hotel. We got there in one piece. Slightly frazzled with overtures of 'ding-a-ling's and 'DONG's still resounding in my head, I tried to focus and got us checked into our room, which was very nice, but didn't have twin beds. It had one Large F*ck Off Bed. So I rang reception and requested a twin room. Within 10 minutes we were moved into the next building, and after sitting in the new room for 5 minutes I decided I didn't like it. There was no view save the scaffolding whereas the other room looked onto the private gardens. The toilet was substandard and the light flickered like the scene in while the other was palacial. So I got Miss T to ring up reception and request to change back to the first room. 5 minutes later we were lugging our bags back to the main building and went straight to the original room. After a nice long shower to wake myself up, I collapsed on the bed and fell into a deep sleep...
Part 2 will be continued, and you may be able to tell that I'm a difficult person to please...
