A Very Harried Affair...

... over the state of things going on.

Recently I've been a bit AWOL, what with the end of exams one would have thought that I'd be kicking back and relaxing and having a laugh. Not so. Having not worked since January my finances are in a bad state, and as a result I have been signing up to temp agencies to get some work and as a result have spread myself a bit thin and suddenly I'm being swamped with calls and I'm rushing left right and centre to register and work and get life back on track.

Having done all the above, the Bank Holiday was a welcome relief and I got extremely inebriated over Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday found me a quivering wreck, with my head pounding in protest and my liver having moved itself into rehab. So, back to the old detox regime of veggies, fruit and exercise.

In fact, on reflection, I have been eating a ton of fruit recently. However, I don't think that your 5-a-day portion necessarily includes all the fruit that you find in Pimm's, or that fruit blended with ice and gin necessarily count either. However, and I stick to this in my defence, the stick of celery found in Bloody Mary's does constitute 2 portions, especially if you get a whole massive stick of it that almost upsets the glass.

So, all that aside, I have found myself a job. Actually, those very nice recruitment consultant people at Michael Page have found me a job. I've sold all my dignity and I'm going to head into the city tomorrow, all suited and booted and will be running the rat race with all those other city people and I'll be based in an investment bank. How exciting, to finally earn some proper money after all this time and be able to afford those fabulous boots I saw in Selfridges the other day.

Abject apologies to everyone for the bout of silence over the last few weeks. I'm now looking forward to going into work and reporting from the world of Money...

Obviously everything will be changed to protect all identities.

Or not...?

Lederhosen, Gruyere, Yodelling...

... and all things Swiss related.

OH went for an interview yesterday. More specifically, he went to Geneva for an interview. It was conducted in 2 stages, and after receiving a panicky text message from him I rang him to calm him down and to assure him that things are all well and that he just needed to rest before the next round, given that he'd just got off a plane.

Anyway, all went well and while I'm here hammering away at applications and the weather being generally shite, he's sat in the sun by Lake Geneva and having a beer and a steak to celebrate the fact that the interview went very well. I'm all excited about it because it means that I get to say 'So sorry I cannot make Tabitha's birthday this weekend dahling, I'm in Geneva.'. Also, it means that if a bloody war were to break out I'd escape there, not by flying, obviously, but more along the lines of wearing lederhosen and walking through the Alps like the Von Trapp family, singing happy songs like 'My Least Favourite Things'

Now that exams are over, everyone is facing the final hurdle of the Viva. This, ironically, is not viva as in live, its more like an opportunity to rip you to shreds over your dissertation that you have hammered out. It's not very pleasant, but its got to be done. Quite frankly I'm bricking it, or as one who is oh so refined would say 'I'm shitting it, dear'. The main reason for this is that I have, in my inifinite wisdom, proposed another hypothesis as to how a particular cellular mechanism works, and while the hypothesis itself sounds impressive and has lots of theoretical data, it means that I've got to plough through all those journals again, and quite frankly, I can't be arsed.

So, in order to waste yet more time I've been looking up symptoms and diagnoses of this rash problem I have, while counting the days until I get to see a dermatologist (12 days to go). One website suggested that if it were parasite based then the ink test should be applied to ascertain the location of said parasite, due to the ink penetrating the chitin exoskeleton of said parasite and making it visible.

I'm sure by now, dear reader, you have some to the knowledge that Monkey here does ALL sorts or random stuff, and this is no exception. Like all other things that Monkey gets up to, there is a certain amount or hesitation and trepidation that is quickly battled into submission by the introduction of dear Madam Gin and her relatives, The Alcohols. So, being wonderfully drunk last night, I proceeded to dab ink on to my forearms in the location of the rashes. However, being drunk also means not being focused, and as a result after trying to remove permanent ink marker by dousing myself in Clinique 2 1/2 Scruffing Lotion, the ink has busged slightly, but I look like I have raised veins...

OH is going to come back this evening to a secret Non-Heroin-But-Ink-Marked boyfriend.

I'm sensing he's going to need counselling soon.

Of Green Slugs...

... and cigarette butts.

So, after the long and painful process of revision and exams along with all the procrastination that goes along with it, I threw myself into a frenzy of drinking and catching up on all those things that we've missed so much, including shopping, walking and staying up until the wee hours of the morning chatting absolute bollocks.

Every afternoon would start off with a 'quiet hair-of-the-dog' to help lift us out of the fug from the night before. By the time the pubs were closing we'd consumed about 2 1/2 dogs each and then it'd be back to the Glorious Kitchen to continue drinking and chatting about nothing at all.

Sometime last week when the sun was still out, we decided to go out on the terrace and to try dining al fresco for the evening. A French stick was bought, along with olives, hoummous and salad, as well as wine wine wine wine wine. Before we sat down though, we thought we'd give the terrace a bit of a clean, as there was debris left over from the last party we had which dated back to last September.

Sometimes in life things should be left untouched or unsaid. Many a time have I done something then realised how absobloodylutely wrong it was in context or situation. Other times, things should be done swiftly, and cleaning and tidying up is definitely one of those things.

Moving the box that had empty bottles and cans proved to be more difficult that imaginable. The cardboard had reacted with the rain and the weather and had degraded into some sort of paste, the kind you get when you dip babies rusks in milk. Dragging the foulness away revealed a habitat of yet-to-be identified fauna that included not-so-silverfish, earwigs and slugs. But these weren't just any old slugs, these slugs were green.

Now forgive me if I am naive but I always assumed that slugs were brown or black, or at a push perhaps even a muddy green. But these were Bright Luminescent Green, like those apple sour laces you get as penny sweets. Small flatmate screamed and jumped onto a chair, while the hairs stood on the back of my neck and I had this awful image of them leaping at me to suck my brains out like in that film Slither.

So after a lot of shuddering, I gingerly poked them (there were 3) and they curled up and then I transferred them onto a broken bit of styrofoam plate. Then I chucked them over the side of the terrace onto the unused pavement below. Took a while, but then I heard a satisfying 'splat' which made me hope that that was the end of those slimy things...

Then we set about sweeping up the cigarette butts that were littered all over the place. At last count there were only about 3, but it seemed that in our absence and lack of attention, the 3 last remaining butts had decided to repopulate the terrace and so there must have been about 300. My guess is that those weird slugs were responsible...

The other thing is, where did those slugs come from? I could understand if we had a garden, but we have a concrete terrace, with no plants, and on the 3rd floor. Surely slugs would have suffered from altitude sickness halfway up the pebbledashing, not to mention sore er... foot? Well, whatever it is they have.

It still remains a mystery and I'd be grateful if someone could shed some light on where slugs originate from.

Answers on a postcard...

Or in comments.

Finished...

... that's it.

All done.

This little Monkey is going to sleep, after having run on 3 hours over the last 72 hours.

*snores*

3 Down...

... 3 to go.

Man, its been crazy in this Monkey Den.

I've been singing random songs in between revision, making up new words to classic tunes. Small Flatmate has been looking frazzled, with Medusa-like hair and making little funny hiccupy-squeaky noises. German Flatmate is looking pale and withdrawn, shuffling in and out of the kitchen in an endless cycle of tea/squash/beverage making like some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Even Big Flatmate has taken to making incoherent noises.

Its like being in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, although obviously this would be a Monkey's Nest.

Diet Update:

• 2 jumbo packs of Chocolate Digestives
• 2 tubs of Soya Nuts
• 12 Pepperami sticks
• 1 jar of Marmite (I've been eating it in secret)
• Banana's galore
• Cereal
• Pasta
• Rice
• Roasted Chicken
• Chicken Kiev
• Chicken Nuggets
• Chips
• Smoothies
• Chicken Pie

Ugh, Gillian McKeith would have a field day. Mind you I don't normally eat that sort of stuff.

And only a week left before its all over...

Ooh...

... presents!!!

So far, I have had lots of text messages, some cards and even a few presents for my birthday which was yesterday.

The day before, Other Half took me out for dinner and we had a very nice Tapas meal which is always fun because you get to share lots of different things and drink lots of nice red Rioja. The over the mentioned that I wanted to get some Tobacco Flower from Fresh. OH went up to Selfridges yesterday to look for it, but unfortunately the Fresh concession was closed... So he bought me Miller Harris instead, which is so much more beautiful and woody... But now I feel a bit guilty because its rather expensive. Although he was toying with the idea of picking up some Creed which is the ultimate fragrance but that costs the earth, and frankly smells a bit like horse manure.

Two exams down and four more to go... I'm so tired I think I'm going to have a little lie down before I carry on revision. After this I'm going to have a massive birthday bash to celebrate 3 years of missing out on birthdays since I started back at University.

Feel free to wish me Happy Belated Birthday.

*smiles*