Friday Choon...

Brillian spoof lyrics for this dire, dire song.

"Retouch my body"



Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but I'll be back soon with more writings and pictures.

Meltdown...

... in action.

Going from moaning about the lack of sun, the weather forecast now seems to be determined to stay sunny and I will surely die of heat exhaustion.

Nice but Dim...

Yesterday I was heading to Shoreditch House to have lunch with some friends. At the reception desk the lady who was manning it looked up and gave me a smile.

Marmoset: 'Hi I'm here to see Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so.'
Lady: 'Oh yes, they have Marmoset, and Miss XX down for lunch. Which one are you?'
Marmoset: ???

Later on up in the restaurant.

Mrs So-and-so: 'Can we have a jug of tap water please?'
Waitress: 'Would you like still or sparkling?'
Marmoset: ???

Dessert time.

Mr So-and-so: 'I'll have the Cheese plate please'
Waitress arrives 15 mins later with cheese CAKE.
Marmoset: ???

Nice weather for it...

So, what do the Brits talk about when they are at a loss to talk about anything else? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they talk about the weather.

This is in part because the meteorological conditions of the lovely British isles is as unpredicable as Naomi Campbell' attitude to staff. Okay, scrap that, at least its consistent that La Campbell will through a tantrum, but who the lucky recipient is going to be is unknown.

Okay, back to the topic in hand: the weather. Geneva is a bit of a microclime, but I've had consistently good reports that once June arrives the weather will be a blaze of sunshine and it would be all summery and I pictured jugs of Pimms on the balcony with strawberries and cream. Only, due to some frigging freak pressure fronts this is what I've been experiencing for the last 3 weeks with more to come:



I am throughly sick and quite frankly, fucking tired of all this rain.

How to...

... make a coffee and walnut cake with cardamom coffee icing: A Masterclass

Yesterday I was feeling a bit low, so I decided to go for a run. Unfortunately the skies had opened and it was raining buckets so I baked a cake to cheer myself up instead, and to celebrate my being in Geneva for six months.

First, we pour a drink for the patissier. This is a Sauvignon Blanc from the vinyard we visited a couple of weeks ago.

Next, the ingredients (L to R): an espresso maker, caster sugar, walnuts, flour, butter, coffee, eggs. (not shown: baking powder, cardamom pods)

First we make the coffee. The bottom receptacle is filled with water and the coffee chamber popped on, then we put 2 heaped tablespoons of ground coffee into it. We then attach the coffee receptacle on top...

... and put it on the stove to boil and percolate.

Next, we weigh out 225g of sugar. You can see here that instead of going for plain while sugar I've weighed out a mixture in raw cane and demerarra sugar as well.

Cut up 225g of unsalted butter and put it into the mixing bowl.

Now attach it to the food mixer and turn it on to medium to cream the butter so it becomes fluffy...

... then you add the sugar...

... and combine fully...

... before adding the eggs in one by one. 4 eggs to be added in total.

Here I realise that I've been using the whisk attachment instead of the paddle, which is why the mixture has the consistency of wet sand rather that silky sheets.

You can see the consistency starting to look different now. I leave it on low to beat for a few minutes...

...while I sift 225g of flour and 1 tsp of baking powder.

Measure out 50cl of strong espresso that we have made earlier...

... and add it to the sugar/butter/egg mixture. NOTE: make sure you measure out the coffee earlier on in the process so it has time to cool. I forgot this and as I poured it in to the sugar/butter/egg mixture it started to curdle a bit as the eggs were scrambling. I panicked and...

... quickly added the flour and baking powder in. If you look closely at the side of the mixing bowl you can see that the mixture is slightly curdled.

We leave the mixture to blend for a while and we prepare the baking tin. Grease the bottom and sides of the tin thoroughly with some unsalted butter and preheat the oven to 190°c.

We return to the cake batter. See how it now looks silky and smooth? Phew, at least its not totally ruined. Add the walnuts.

Give it another blast...

... there, nicely incorporated.

Transfer to the greased pan...

... and smooth down the top with a spatula. Once the oven is ready, pop the cake into the furnace to bake for approximately 55-60 mins.

Lets take a step back and look at the kitchen where all the magic happens.

Now we prepare the cardamom coffee icing. Take 5 green cardamom pods.

Transfer to a pestle and mortar. Pound lightly so the pods split and remove the pod skins and leave the seeds in the bowl like this:

Smell the lovely bergamot oils emanating.

Grind the seeds into a fine powder.

My internal body clock tells me its time to take the cake out of the oven. The cake is done. You will know when you insert a toothpick/skewer in the middle of the cake and it comes out clean.

Place on a baking rack to cool.

Once cool, remove the outer ring if using a detachable pan like I am. Otherwise remove normally.

Okay, back to the icing. 125g of unsalted butter...

...beat until fluffy.

Add the ground cardamom...

... then the remainder of the strong espresso (50 ml, cooled, of course)

Add 200g icing sugar, and blend until smooth.

Once the cake is totally cool, using a serrated bread knife, employ your best kung-fu knife skills and slice the cake in half.

Spread a bit of the cardamom coffee icing on the bottom half...

... and pop the top half back on top. I was a bit ham-handed with this step and broke a bit of the cake. Oh well.

Use the rest of the icing to hide a multitude of sins.

Voilà!

Decorate with half walnuts...

... and complete the effect by scattering with chocolate drops.

Ta-dah! Fit for a sugar and caffeine addict. I had a slice and it was DELICOUS. OH had 2 slices.

Result: SUCCESS.

Attributed to Francois at FX Cuisine

Le Starh-Bahks...

... en ma route.

This morning on my way in to work I was amazed to see the boulangerie that was derilict until last week has now transformed into a Starbucks. Generally I do not go to these establishments out of principle, albeit quite a benign stand on the establishment being that the coffee is substandard and the prices exorbitant. My French friends however have another view and was once engaged in a very heated argument with OH over the evils and how it was selling a warped lifestyle to the unsuspecting masses. However with the piss poor breakfast selection available to me (McDonalds is opposite the new Starbucks but isn't open for brekkie, and there's only so many croissants one can stomach)I decided to abandon the priciples and to pop in to see what was on offer.

Perhaps it was too early in the morning and the wafts of coffee-approximations had yet to ignite the neuronal firings, but it was extremely surreal. Having not been in one of these shops for a while, the layout was familiar, the menu comforting and the muffin selection bland. Everything was mostly in English, even the muffin names, but when it was my turn to order at the till, I automatically asked for a raspberry muffin in French. This is how is came out:

'Je prende un 'rahsp-beh-ree muh-feen' s'il vous plaît.'

Having asked for one, I did a quick double take to check that it was written as such on the cards and that I wasn't taking the piss. Check. The card stated 'raspberry muffin', and not 'muffin framboise'. I have since checked the dictionary and I can see that the translation of muffin, is indeed, muffin, but saying 'raspberry' in a French accent was all very 'Allo 'Allo.

And the guy behind the till?

Yep, his name was René.

Intermission

Exams this Saturday. Normal service will resume shortly after.

Thank you for your patience.