A Week of Nothingness...

... and a weekend of chores coming up.

My transition from London to Switzerland has always been planned, however, not at the speed at which it took place. I think it surprised everyone, even myself. To put the whole event that led to this sudden change in perspective, this is what I told the Muse:

'Oh it was all a bit of a whirlwind. Had started legal proceedings against work because they terminated my contract on some stupid excuse which was totally unfounded so they had tp pay me out in the end but I had to fight tooth and nail, then got a job in Switzerland so moved here and start ASAP.'

Indeed. That really is the point. Okay, there's lots more behind it but I have exhausted the topic of conversation to death, and even I'm bored of recounting the same yarn.

Anyway, since moving here I've had a whole week off to do nothing. In the words of my dear mother, as well as my friend American Dave, I had a week to just be tai-tai.

For the uninitiated, tai-tai is a chinese term that literally means 'wife'. Collectively all around Asia and the Orient it refers more specifically to the wives of rich men, whose mission in life is to be the perfect wife. Now in Western culture, the idea of a perfect wife can probably be described as the woman who can juggle everything in her life and still turn out well in the evening, with a Michelin star-quality dinner laid out, all the kids tucked up in bed, wearing the ol Agent Provocateur get up and still have the energy to be the perfect hostess over dinner and then load the dishwasher and lays out the husbands clothes and even manages to give a blow-job before settling into light slumber, lest the kids wake in the middle of night.

(I am aware that I may be facing a barrage of obscenities or indignance over this description from the more feminist inclined, but as I have mostly got this from my mother's old Cosmo and Good Housekeeping magazines, I welcome debate on this and I'll change it accordingly)

The perfect Eastern Wife, or tai-tai, however has these tasks to do instead on a more-or-less daily basis.

• Shop
• Have nails done
• Have hair done
• Scour supermarkets for bargains then compiles a list to later give to the maid in order to do the grocery shopping
• Makes sure the children get to school on time through the chauffeur
• Have lunch with the other tai-tais
• Shop more either for clothes, shoes, jewellery or even just 'things' (as told to me by Mother Dearest)*
• Make sure children are alive
• Make sure hair is laquered in time for Husband's work function.
• Make sure talons are filed/sharpened adequately to deter any potential floozies that may hit on Husband.
• Go home and makes sure that Husband gives adequate 'housekeeping funds' for the next day.

And the list goes on. However, the main take home message is that tai-tai runs a very strict household so as to not burden the Husband with any aspect of running the house. With all the staff reporting to her, she is the head Housekeeper, who doesn't have to do anything apart from instruct, inspect and discipline. Also tai-tai holds the purse strings. The only thing she doesn't do is wear the trousers, but that is also debatable.

So, having had a whole week off, I decided to be tai-tai for the week while OH was at work, and to have a grand old time, taking in the designer shops in between having my nails done and my hair styled. Only there was one small drawback: Switzerland is slightly stuck in the 80's. Both OH and I a while ago decided that Switzerland is lovely, however, everything that is on offer, apart from the high-street fashions are decidedly stuck in the 80's. From nouvelle cuisine with minature everything on the plate and artfully draped watercress on the plate next to you forming part of your own garnish, to the slightly tacky decor harking from the days of the sets of The Bold and The Beautiful, I wasn't about to risk my nails being filed too short and my hair styled into a fauxhican (plus or minus mullet I'm not sure), so the only thing I did was shop. Mainly food shop, and this is what I wrote to a friend who asked me what I'd done in my week as tai-tai.

'I've spent most days lazing about, contemplating cocktails and food menus. So far I've made a paella, a lasagne, pumpkin pie, apple crumble, deboned a whole chicken (yes, thats how bored I am) and bought 2 pounds of prawns and shelled them to freeze for future use. I've also been mushroom picking and made a vat of mushroom soup enough to feed a battalion. OH's dinner is all done for the next 3 months. Slicing all those mushrooms was probably the most boring task, even after 2 gin and tonics with music on and a bottle of wine to accompany me.'

I think that I'm a more wholesome, Western type of wife. Tai-tai would never cook.

That's what the Cook is for.

And to put this in to context, I will next post on why, OH is emphatically not the wife, but I am instead.

*Note: tai-tai needs everything to be expensive, but tai-tai also loves to bargain.

A Blinding Return To Form...

... or more aptly: Confessions of a Twenty Something Soon-To-Be Expat.

About slightly over a year ago Other Half moved over to the Land of Hidden Nazi Gold. As a result I was determined to give up life in London and join him one way or another, but then we settled into our respective routines and enjoyed for the best part of a year clocking up airmiles and generally existing on weekends and rants on the mobile phone which worked out quite expensive.

Also, I was reluctant having started a promising role in the city with a blue-blood firm and although the general atmosphere was jolly and not to mention the total un-PCness of it all, I decided to keep my head down and blog about it once I was comfortable enough to handle it in my stride. As it happens in the Square Mile, people get hired and fired more times than it takes to churn out Chavs in Chavland.

Anyway, long story short, I have been made redundant. Slightly painful story but in the event I've managed to secure a fabulous job where Other Half lives, and after 2 and a half fabulous years we're going to be living together.

Watch this space for more posts, both of life abroad as well as snippets from my former life in London.

Behold: Simian exists once more!