Dull Man

Somehow under the fug of alcohol and cigarettes I managed to awaken at 8.30 am which is highly annoying because on the days that I want to get up early and face the world I normally hit the snooze button and roll back into bed and not wake until after 9 which is fine at the moment as I am a student and part time work that I have occurs in the afternoons.

This morning lying in bed other half and I end up chatting absolute b*llocks as one does of a Saturday morning. Sometimes its highly amusing, sometimes we end up bickering over trivial things like who was meant to do the washing up and I end up nagging him over things like 'please would you make sure that the socks are in pairs and not thrown higgledy-piggledy into the drawer'

Todays discussion was 'What superhero would you be?'

Me: 'erm, so what would you be?'

Him: 'I'll be more than just a superhero, I'll be a hyperhero'

Me: 'Oh, but then your enemies could sedate you with Ritalin'

Him: (thinks for a while) 'I'd be Dull-Man'

Me: 'What would Dull-Man do then?'

Him: 'I'd bore my enemies into submission.'

Me: 'What would you bore them with?'

I really shouldn't have asked, but I did and I received the funniest rendition of the most innane topics that anyone could really come up with- The British Postcode system. And he delivered it flawlessly in a voice akin to a 1970's old-man drone on a television information programme.

Apparently I'd be Pedantic Man, insisting that my enemies Fold Their Pants and Pair Their Socks and Seperate Their Laundry and Fold Their Clothes and Not Leave Things Lying Around and Wash The Dishes and Take Out The Rubbish...

I got the hint.

I on the other hand was thinking of myself as Captain Glam, blinding my enemies with showers of glitter and freezing them in their tracks with lashings of hair putty and then cuffing them in Mulberry Leather straps and fastened with burnished silver clasps.

No, other half insisted that I should Get Fancy Thoughts Out Of My Head and Load The Washing Machine. I told him to sort out the laundry first.

I am Pedantic Man.